Maybe I watch too much Judge Judy...

but you know what I wondered in reading this little piece of navel gazing?

Why the allegedly unemployed man hasn't found the time to marry his fiancée, Tomoko, the mother of his latest child? I sure hope he hasn't been financially ... disincentivized via some special taxpayer funding, to remain unwed perhaps to qualify her, and them, for extra help. That just seems... wrong somehow. Call me judgemental or non-PC, but hey, that's how Judy thinks too! (She and Byrd, they're tired of carrying men who make babies they can't support.)

Since losing my job I’ve struggled with countless questions for which I have no suitable response: Is it healthy for my family to subsist on a diet entirely of packaged ramen, canned beans and grocery-store samples, and if so, must it be certified organic? Does baby really need a new pair of shoes? If I’m so smart how come I’m so broke? The worst question, though, and the one most likely to induce paroxysms of guilt, irritation and half-joking existential despair, is one that seems so simple to answer, but has proven the most vexing: if I’m not working, why don’t I have more time? Shouldn’t a jobless fellow like myself be free to relax, clean house, run errands for my fiancée Tomoko and, most important, spend time with my children, J.P., 4-years-old, and Ellie, the baby?
...
J.P.’s pre-school is out for winter break this week, but instead of having his jobless father at home with him, he was spending the day with Tomoko, playing checkers, helping her bake chocolate chip cookies and, with snow rendering our backyard impassable yet again, probably watching a fair amount of television. In the afternoon, the women from Tomoko’s new-mother’s group would stop by with their babies to visit with her and Ellie. And I would be at my computer, writing.
...
When J.P. was born his mother (my ex-wife) and I significantly altered our work lives. I left work hours earlier than my colleagues [ed. note: could that be the reason for the job loss, perhaps?]; she stayed home during the day and worked at night; the grandparents filled the gaps. This schedule likely didn’t do much for our marriage but it meant that we could directly care for our child, which had the benefit of being something that we wanted, and for which we had few alternatives: full-time day care in Brooklyn can run upward of $20,000, summers not included. Such decisions are far from unusual in this country, as parenting increasingly becomes a series of calculations needed to reconcile our jobs with our children. Tomoko will soon return to her job in advertising, and even though I’m out of work, we’ve decided to hire a nanny. It wasn’t an easy decision, financially or emotionally, but if I am to have any hope of earning a living, there simply wasn’t any other choice.
...
I believe that work has an intrinsic worth that goes beyond making money or staking a claim to one’s manhood. I have thought about this a lot lately. I want my children to see me work. I want them to know me as someone who works. But equally so, I want them to see me. This means that while I should perhaps keep honing this article, I’ll end it here for now. There’s a matinee at the neighborhood movie theater. If I hurry we could make it.


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Theodore Ross is the author of the forthcoming book “Am I a Jew” and a contributor to the blog Dadwagon.

hmm... b-u-s-y ? or simply Y-Z-A-L ?