Time for the February Rap (my ode to Feb weather as an abusive lover)

 February ... git!

You came in cold, no sooner through the door and you dumped a load!

Dressed you up in bold reds and black: woke up the next morning, and your cold was back...

You spat on us daily, watched us freeze and slip...

Gramma  lost her life when she broke a hip.

So February git, you no damn good...

Bring on the lion, we fresh out of wood!

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* I think I've forgotten a verse or two, since I composed this one while living up in Rice Lake. It was a bitter winter: the news stories were full of stories of people running out of firewood; they had depleted their piles, and news stories were reporting the prices of cords were through the roof, if you could find them... That's what the closer kick refers to:  and the anticipation of March, coming in as a lion but (hopefully) departing as a lamb...

For the record, I've never had an abusive lover! But when I was writing about the weather in February, that personification came to mind.  The snow spitting down, the references to the bright moments of Valentines' Day (dressing up your lover) and Black History Month (I think we've retired that idea, hopefully, as we integrate American History more fully with no need for special set-asides), and I always see suprised smiles when I rap it in person at the reference to people falling on the ice.  It's no joke though, really, and of course, it's not just the elderly at risk of those slip-and-falls:  practice your "penguin" walking if it's slippery, friends, or do what I do:  just stick out your ass and take baby steps trying to make yourself look as ridiculous as possible, and you'll find -- really -- that you don't slip if you really exaggerate how slow and stupid-looking you are moving on the ice.  Seriously!  It works...!  Just try to look as crazy as possible, and you won't slip!!  *sometimes I tell people my method, and that gets a laugh too.  But I can see why they push the more palatable "penguin walk" method (like the sign hanging on our church exit doors, say...):  you can't tell everyone to stick out their ass as far as possible and try to look as strange as possible to prevent slippage...

Whatever works to git February gone!