Let the kids be together...

Carbolic Smokeball:

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Obama today nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan to the United States Supreme Court and immediately tried to squelch rumors that she is openly gay.

The president praised Kagan’s qualifications but then held up an envelope that he said “contains over 400 photographs surreptitiously taken over the course of several dozen romantic trysts between Tiger Woods and Elena that occurred during 2008 and 2009.”

The photographs, Obama said, “show the lovers in various stages of undress and in the heat of almost depraved, heterosexual passion.” Ms. Kagan did not comment on the photos.

Experts examined the photos and said that they show Ms. Kagan and a man who bears a slight resemblance to Woods, but unlike Woods, who is six feet one inch tall and has no visible tattoos, the man in the photos appears to be approximately five feet five inches and sports a large tattoo on his neck that says “PSYCHO.”

Moreover, in each of the photos where Kagan is wearing clothes, she is wearing the same suit, leading experts to conclude the photos might have been taken at the same photo session.