Thursday, October 6

"Let's Teach Him that LOVE can make him Tall?"

"That's cool, cuz one day every day be Judgement Day! We gonna PlayInTheSunshine! Turn all the lights up to 10! We gonna rock it, we gonna roll it, we gonna do it all over again!" 


One thing?  Intern jokes are out. Out, Out, Out Spot.

Ya see, not every "intern" is a pampered puppy, put there through parental connection as a joke worker.  (I'm just waiting for the little Goldberg gal's byline to show up in one of our national papers.  Few "celebrity" kids achieve an independent career, hardly ever in the maths or sciences.  The law professors drop a law professor or two; the teachers end up with the top students in the class, and their kids go into education; journalists beget journalists beget journalists (the Haberman nextgen will come in bearing Maggie's husband's name, ie)...

BUT, some "interns" are there to work.  Take the engineering field.  You don't get to make jokes about their looks ("hawt!") the women or the men, or sexualize or trivialize them.  Even in pursuit of your lame-IM Da Boss humor.  "Stick it, mister.  We're here to work a job, not amuse you."

"And don't bother apologizing for blowing your deadlines, boss.  Ain't affecting your paycheck.  It's not like you'll ever have to cut up the animals you keep and eat them, sir."

"It's just... you wouldn't ask an intern to care for your pets, that wouldn't be right... too much an "ask".  So sir?  Big Boss guy?  We'll humor you as best we can, but lay off the "intern hunting" jokes.  So circa the late 1990s, boss.

Don't remember?  Ask you mom.  Nobody wins by using disrespectful humor 25 years out of date... 'Daddio'"  And nobody cares your excuses for not getting your work done on time.  You'd never cut it as a shift worker, sir, or in any field of importance -- when the clock starts, if you're not there, you're letting others down... You gotta get your work done on time.  Period, sir.  No excuses.

We get that you're GenXAmerican, you came from money, you've always had your ways paved.  But the immigrants, sir?  They WORK.  With their bodies, minds, and they're up early... not playing with pets, or rewarding "treats" for obedience, sir.  They WORKING.  We young pampered white offspring can't hold it back much longer...

Keep up this attitude, sir.  They gonna eat you ALIVE, bury your businesses because you can't compete just employing WhiteMen and wives/mothers who tell you what you want to hear... Your politics are not respected;  your types perform poorly in practice:  you bleed the country for military money and you seem to be proudly leading us to provoke Putin into a nuclear war.  Who wins, sir? People are praying you young neocons retire, sir, 21 years of power have NOT paid off for the country, and your leadership is laughed at.  They want you gone so that America can use a RESET button on our OWN crippled foreign policies that the aging oldsters slowly tapping out of a tapped-out Washington DC -- who put your types in punditry power -- have saddled the country with paying for.  You're going to be swept out with the Establishment wave, sir, despite your age...

The intern jokes show which side of the Past/Future divide your work belongs on, and I'm not sure if there's time enough for you to change your stripes?  If only you'd had other voices to listen to, warning you to change your ways a decade or two ago, but you stayed safely insulated and listened only to those who made you feel good, falsely, about your actions and choices.  You had no one close to tell you truths, to whisper that your were not performing up to your paycheck, sir.

Because you come from money, and you are safely insulated, you aren't forced to learn from consequences.  You're the kid who totals the car, then gets a new one because his people are well insured.  But when the country's the car, eventually people come looking at the sites of your crashes, and calculate what the continuous crashes cost the country; what we pay for for your poor performance, as a pundit "advisor" with pull politically...

It's like a leaky dam that can't be held back in America anymore.  Nobody likes dams; they're getting blown up.  Your class of people -- not Jews but wealthy Americans of a certain pedigree (the inherited class) -- are going to be the first swept away, because you are collecting BigDollars for your work, but have nothing of value to offer.  You can't hide that.

Please sir -- just stop with the Intern jokes already?  Baby steps to understanding R-E-S-P-E-C-T.  It all starts with that word, sir.  Ask a Queen, iffn you need remedial help.

Signed, One Who Made It Out Alive and Lives to Tell...

PS.  We've got subscribers telling us they don't want this crap cluttering their morning in-box, sir.  They're cancelling and telling us why.  Listen, sir.  God gave you two ears to hear, and better:  two working eyeballs to read, watch, and look at the hard stuff too.

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A Brief Message from Jonah Goldberg

Oct 5

Dear Reader,


I'm sorry. First, I'm sorry for missing not one but two "news"letters in a row as well as one podcast last month. We were at The Dispatch retreat having meetings, having fun, and, of course, hunting interns for sport.*

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Update: These young'uns work. If he were Declan Goldberg, he'd rightly be running the show. Goldberg and Hayes are only the money investment; there's not intellectual firepower there, like shooting blanks... Declan's got a brain, he uses it, and doesn't clutter his "work" with cheap jokes, and trivia.  It's real to him, I think.  Goldberg and Hayes: pure entertainment value at this point. Check their records as PunditWarriors. It's a losing record, but the inherited wealth lets them plough on.

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This was the rest of the read, if you made it past the intern-hunt joke:

But also, I'm sorry for this email. As you may have heard, The Dispatch is leaving Substack.  It's an amicable breakup and we wish them all the success in the world - except perhaps our own portion of it.


Anyway, the tech dudes tell us that we can't just start sending hundreds of thousands of emails to people from a new address without the A.I. Spam Police coming for us. So we need to send some "warm up" emails to small groups of our (very best and most generous-spirited readers) so that Skynet won't see anything fishy when our new cyber base is full operational.


Which brings me to this email and my apology. One of the first rules at The Dispatch is "don't waste our readers' time."  Hopefully this email isn't a huge waste of your time. By opening it and following the instructions below you'll ensure Dispatch emails keep coming to your inbox instead of spam folder. I owe you one for indulging me here.


If it helps, you're playing an important part in making The Dispatch even better.


Thanks and stay tuned for exciting things are coming.

I just wish he had more lesbians on staff, who could be honest and tell BossMan he's not as cute as he thinks in the ... non-cigar world, and ... that's not where it's at today -- the growth market -- making jokes for the Bigs (paying readers, and people like Hayes, presumably, a Wisconsin fundie -- not sure if his family made money in logging or paper(?) -- but I am sure that man should have retired and lived off passive investments after the Iraq War. Or moved to a different field.  No. Credibility. Politically. Anymore.   I guess Jonah Goldberg needs the money, so he sticks with a political loser to fund his own platform (?) Not sure, clearly they have capital, but poor poor poor policy takes, and a foreign-policy record in the negatives...)


Poor Jonah.  I wish he would listen to his dogs, or the women in his life.  Does he seriously make crappy Intern jokes around them? Hm.  Respect.  Even the ones beneath you, sir.