The Funniest Things to Me are when People Aren't Trying to Be Funny... *

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 He'd never make it in Minnesota:

Elie Mystal

@ElieNYC

Me: I don't like grapes in salad My Mom: You don't eat salad Me: Not the point Mom: ?? Me: Independent of my dislike of salad, I don't think grapes belong in salads. Mom: If I picked out all the grapes would you eat the salad? Me: .. Mom: I don't know how you turned out like this

11:19 AM · Apr 28, 2022·Twitter Web App

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*Exhibit A : (I'm sorry, but this STILL makes me laugh...) 

By Linda Holmes, NPR (2014)

I was not raised in Minnesota, but I earned my stripes there during 10 winters as a resident, scraping my windshield through a fog of existential despair. Not every portrayal of the Midwest is based in reality, but this still speaks to a profound piece of my soul. I have been this person. I have been Jerry Lundegaard before murder enters his life, but after it enters his heart, if by "murder" you mean "beating the bejeezus out of a car with a plastic scraper."

I have never in my life heard of a "grape salad." Not at Thanksgiving, not at Christmas, not during a Vikings game, not during the Winter Carnival, not during the State Fair, and not during the greatest state holiday: the annual hockey tournament of the Minnesota State High School League.

But today, when The New York Times decided to come up with Thanksgiving recipes that "evoke each of the 50 states," Minnesota got "Grape Salad."

Now: "Grape Salad." Doesn't that sound like the only thing you were allowed to make in your plastic kitchen when you were 2 years old, not allowed to use knives, and only allowed grapes when they were cut in half?... 

 

And in the I Dunno (Let's Punt) category, you will find Grape Salad, the basic ingredients of which are (1) grapes, left whole, (2) two cups of sour cream, and (3) a cup of brown sugar. (You can add optional pecans, but hey, what is this, Paris, France?)

So please understand: The New York Times has examined the entire state of Minnesota and said, "You know what evokes your state? A bowl of grapes mixed with sour cream, covered with sugar, and heated up, and then chilled again. That's you. That's how you are." After this, I imagine them laughing, high-fiving, and refilling a glass of chardonnay. We all have our preconceptions, after all...

They could have done something with morel mushrooms. Or wild rice, if they hadn't brazenly given it to Wisconsin (the unkindest cut of all — their thing is cheese!). If Maine can have Lobster Mac and Cheese, how about something with walleye? Heck, I would have preferred Spam, which may not be gourmet cuisine but at least does have a connection to the state, unlike grapes, which do not.

Look, I'm not saying nobody in the state has ever eaten a grape salad. It's heated up grapes and sour cream with sugar on it; somebody has eaten that in any state where there are families coming up with simple dishes — in fact, somebody has eaten that in any state where there are mostly empty refrigerators and college students. Somebody has also, at some point, dipped Doritos in peanut butter and washed them down with Yoo-Hoo, in spite of the fact that recreational marijuana use is still illegal by federal law. But that does not mean Dorito Peanut Butter Crunch is a dish, and it definitely does not mean it is a Thanksgiving classic.

I am aware that the Times says it got this recipe from a "Minnesota-born heiress" (note that she's not Minnesotan, but "Minnesota-born," which could very well mean she was born during a family's brief layover at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport, not an outlandish possibility since there is a lot of snow and we are a hub). But they speak of it as if it is consumed only by baffling zoo animals: "Other versions, I hear, call for softened cream cheese and nondairy 'whipped topping'; I can't say I'll be trying that."

A little advice for anyone making a 50-state map that touches on regional culture: Read every entry you have and think to yourself, "Am I basing this on actual information, or am I basing this on something droll I read in The New Yorker?" Because, yes, Minnesotans eat hotdish (not casserole, please), and there are church picnics, and we can say things like that about ourselves. But it already often feels like the entire middle of the country is swept aside as little more than a collection of Readers Digest anecdotes. Please don't accuse us of being best represented by a tradition (?) of heating up grapes for Thanksgiving.

Look at ME! I bought another baby! HERE I am!

Alabama Criminal and Corrections Officer Missing...

He's 6 foot 9 inches.

Those ears will give him away...

She had 25 years in with the Department of Corrections and was eligible for retirement.

I bet he tricked her.  Convinced her he had the court appointment, and she took him alone, feeling ill, with a medical appointment set up.

I hope they find her alive. Don't assume she's in on this until more turns up...  He killed for money, and tried to escape before.  Seems clever and could have cooked up something the lady believed in.  I doubt she just "went rogue" after 25 years of service.   my 2cents.  (He's 39; she's 56.  I doubt she went willingly. Especially since he was only at the county jail -- transferred in for court proceedings -- for a short time.)

I bet ... he had her number, and the poor lady just got played.  Co-workers are shocked.  Don't assume she was in love, or in on it.  Maybe, just a stupid mistake, especially if she was feeling ill.  God help them both.  Again, his ears are going to give him away, after he shaves, dyes/shaves his hair, etc.  

Americans Might Be Willing to Sacrifice Ukrainians, but our American Future? For What Exactly? "Freedom" for Whom?

 Russia’s foreign minister, Sergey V. Lavrov, contended that the United States and the European Union, by supplying more powerful weapons to Ukraine, were waging a proxy battle against Russia, regardless of the cost in civilian lives.

The flow of weapons from the West, Mr. Lavrov said, had nothing to do with supporting Ukraine’s sovereignty, but rather would enable the United States and the European Union to battle Russia “to the last Ukrainian.”

The fuel shortages in Ukraine followed Russian attacks this week on Ukraine’s main producer of fuel products and other large refineries. Russia said it had also hit storage facilities for petroleum products used by the Ukrainian military.

A senior Pentagon official said these types of attacks were intended to undercut the Ukrainian military’s ability to “replenish their own stores and to reinforce themselves.”

In response, officials in Kyiv, Ukraine’s capital, urged residents to use public transportation rather than private vehicles to save fuel. “We need to keep in mind the needs of the military and our defenders,” the city’s administration said.

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ADDED:   The whole world will suffer -- those relying on Ukrainian wheat to eat;  those relying on Russian gas for heat (wait 'til next winter, Europe! -- oy!); and Americans who are sending billions and trillions abroad.  That's YOUR future being spent abroad, young Americans?  Are you all in for this war, really?  Wouldn't you rather invest those funds in your own?  Your own children, your own country?

Where are you speaking out on this to your political representatives?  Just going along to get along... (?)  I'm amazed people are confident in ole Joe (and don't see past him to the people calling the shots), dragging the country into a war we don't need and don't want.  I suspect... battling Russia; they assume it will be like taking on the desert countries... it won't touch us here, or elsewhere in the world.  Haha.  Russia is a biggie -- well integrated in world trade, the way Afghanistan/Iraq/Libya/Syria and the African nations are not... It WILL affect the world economy.  Why not live in peace, instead, investing in our own country's future???

Plus, do YOU really like having Military Might ruling your country?  Or would you rather be ruled by logic and reason?  Nothing good happens when U.S.A. worships the Gun.

Again:  anybody can destroy and destruct.  It's the builders and the thinkers, the planners and the do-ers who will always have my respect.  America of late is too obese and trivia-focused for our own good.  It shows.  We can't live, untouched in denial, forever...

The effects of destroying Ukraine cannot be contained.  You get that, right?

Hard times and human suffering ahead, globally!  (no, not for you and yours, of course!*  ;-)  Let them suffer, eh?  And eat... bullets for breakfast, as the War Machine grinds on...  This is just sad.  #ChooseLife  

#LessWeapons, More Diplomacy Please...  #MachoIsSoOver.ThinkersRuleTheFreeWorld

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* Ask not for whom the Bell tolls...

Prologue You Are What You Feel/Any Dream Will Do Andrew Lloyd Webber Track 1 on Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (1982)

 

Prologue You Are What You Feel/Any Dream Will Do Lyrics

{PROLOGUE}

[NARRATOR]

Some folks dream of the wonders they'll do
Before their time on this planet is through
Some just don't have anything planned
They hide their hopes and their heads in the sand
Now I don't say who is wrong, who is right
But if by chance you are here for the night
Then all I need is an hour or two

To tell the tale of a dreamer like you

But all that I say can be told another way
In the story of a boy whose dreams came true
And he could be you

[Joseph]
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away, someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping
Any dream will do

[JOSEPH] I wore my coat With golden lining Bright colors shining, wonderful and new And in the east The dawn was breaking And the world was waking Any dream will do [Joseph] A crash of drums, a flash of light My golden coat flew out of sight The colors faded into darkness I was left alone [JOSEPH] May I return To the beginning The light is dimming And the dream is too The world and I We are still waiting Still hesitating Any dream will do...

Why Russia Will Likely Win the War...

Passion.  They can't lose.  America can.  We can throw money at a problem, but the Ukrainians are expendable.  Eventually, you will need more fodder.  Will America send her own sons to fight?  Doubtful.  Is NATO strong enough to restock the Ukrainian army?  Doubtful as well, for the same reasons.

It's not America's fight, no matter how much money we throw at growing the problem.

Again, look at a map.

Russia cannot afford to lose, and will go down fighting.  America... not so much.  We will have a civil war here at home, I suspect, before we head over in earnest to fight the Russians on their turf.

Everyone is remaining silent now, it seems:  sure, throw more money at the problem, and send back some nice photos of destruction -- how we are helping.  Tell us about the people who... got out.  Tell us about those prospering.  (No more dead and suffering civilians though.  Our money is not going to see that.)

In time, Russia will not be defeated, even as America is drained.  They have more expendable bodies to keep restocking, and in the end, war is all about who is left standing, boots on the ground, fighting to the death...

We haven't known that spirit here in America... for a long time, let's leave it at that.

(We haven't had that spirit here since... 1969.  Relax, said the Madman.  We are... programmed to recede.  You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!"  ~Eagles.  Hotel California.)

I am kinda surprised the Boomers, who lived through all that, aren't speaking out against America mortgaging our futures on another futile war.  (The ones with children coming up now, too.  Maybe in years to come they will whine about what that money could have done at home, as our society begins to breakdown and split, becoming more dangerous here at home -- yes, even in your "safe spaces", friends.)

But then again, the ones who fought and died in Vietnam, and came home crippled physically and emotionally, are dying out now.  It's the evaders who have given us leadership without character, acts without consequences, and attitude without the reality-based instruction needed to lead.

We're reaping what we've sowed and we're too stupid to look ahead and see what is coming, what is due us.  Russia for the win, in 10 tops.  We just won't be able to restock Ukraine with fighter fast enough, once the Big Guns go in and they start falling...

Whoever though escalating this regional conflict was a good idea will be taken out back and shot.  But then again, look at their ages... They will likely -- the leaders dragging us into this one -- be dead of natural causes by then.  (Joe, Nancy, Chuck, etc.)  That's the perils of having the oldsters, with nothing to lose, in charge of war-making and throwing money "to fix" a problem.

I wish it weren't so, but you know it's true, if you take time from your lives today to consider where this one is headed. #YouBetterThink!

Congratulations to Tyus Jones, Sr. !

I sat next to him, and his girlfriend and mother, at a Lynx game once.  Nice guy, cute freckles.  Minnesota native.  When in high school at Apple Valley, he was one of the young men who was hired to play on the WNBA scout team with the Lynx in practice, improving their games.

He played, briefly, with the Wolves as well, and is very familiar with the hometown court.

As a Grizzly, he was a key part of helping put the series away for Memphis.  Had a baby boy, Tyus Jones, Jr., during the pandemic days.  His mother Debbie Jones also contracted, and beat, breast cancer in the years since I sat next to them. 

 

(I like her too, strong but friendly -- her sister was an AD at one of the city high schools -- LaSalle (?) -- and sat in front of us with her husband.  Good looking group:  they grew up in North Dakota and played basketball as well...  His mother Debbie was Tyus' first coach.)

He's a hometown young man too, and helped get the job done for his team.  Best wishes to the Jones' then. Onward Memphis!.

I'm Glad I Don't Live and Prosper in the New Deadly World.

 Americans with wealth who buy into this... I am glad I am not them.

Give it 20 years, we will see who is hardened and dying inside... 

I suppose, when they have families and distractions, they choose differently.

#Freedoms  Best thing about America is still our freedoms of choice...

Even if we choose not to support this, and they roll right over us, at least we have not sold our souls.  Those that have, whose children no doubt will benefit by the unchecked aggressions and desire to kill and cheat to advance their own... we will see in time who carries more the cost of hatred in their hearts, and who lives simply, alive and still free.

#ThankGodforHisGoodness #AsForMeAndMineWeWillServeTheLord  

#AMarathonNotASprint   #DeadlyActsCostTheAggressorsTheirSouls

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ADDED:  Those with big money are just playing the rest of us for patsies now

The U.S. Should Show It Can Win a Nuclear War

So stupid they are about the important things in life... LIFE!

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, 

but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written,

 “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.

Romans 12:19  KJV

If Student Debt is Cancelled, Will All the Military Enlisted Who Signed Up to Earn College Money...

 but are now thinking better of it, be released from their committments too?

#FairIsFair

Would It Be Wise -- in the Interests of Not Letting Democracy Die -- for Congress to Declare War...

and approve spending these HUGE amounts of funds that will affect our futures here at home for decades to come, only after our representatives have solicited the input of the American people in each of the fifty states to gauge support for further military escalation?

I think that is why our Founders put Congress in charge of declaring wars, even if that has not been the precedent in this country in a long time.  

If you don't have the support of the American people to "take out Putin" and collapse Russia under military might, maybe we should not be throwing in the $33 billion/trillion for starters?  

Let our Congressional representatives stop playing games, and do their jobs:  1) explain to the American people the goals of this war, 2) how the money will be spent and tracked (because if ever a region is known for skimming from the top and taking their cut for "their own", it is Eastern Europe), and 3) what bang we can expect from the now-foreign fighters for our big bucks, before voting as we direct them to, whether to war on, or to push for a negotiated solution.

If they can't convince us of Joe's people's plan, then we should not be throwing in, because once in, haven't we learned how hard it will be to "get out" and abandon the people we have promised to save?

#DemocracyDiesInDarknessIndeed

#ConstitutionalLaw    #KnowYourRole  #ChooseLife 

#ShameOnTheMediaCheerleadersForTheirIrrelevancy!  

#NoMoreVietNams!(orIraqs/Afghanistans/Libyas/Syrias/etc)

#“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9, NIV).

A Change is Gonna Come...

 

What Would End This World War?

 or, Stop the Ride Already:   Civilians Want to Get Off!

The regional conflict has metatasized.  With $33 billion/trillion(?) that the US cannot afford to spend, and that buys us less than a year of fighting, (and presumably more to be spent in the near future, as the Eastern Europeans will return, hat in hand...), would the US stop escalating if nuclear weapons are used?

Can Russia strike an East Coast city?  With the way the winds blow, if DC or NYC was hit, how far West is America would life go on, as rescue/evacuation and cleanup progress? (assuming the winds blow from West to East, North to South, primarily?)

If Joe Biden is playing at being FDR, can the world accept Putin as Harry Truman, using the weapons at his disposal to save lives and decide he has no other choice than to end the conflict quickly?

Would America respond to a nuclear bomb, by setting off one of our own.  Or would we retreat and save more lives that way?  Joe's not making these calls, but strategically somebody is?

What would it take to end this war, and convince Americans it is not in our best interests to go for broke?

Live Updates: West’s Resolve to Block Russia Grows Amid Fears of a Protracted War

Britain said on Friday it would deploy 8,000 soldiers to Europe to join tens of thousands of troops from NATO countries in exercises meant to deter further Russian aggression. The announcement came a day after President Biden asked Congress to authorize $33 billion more in aid for Ukraine.

Glory Dayz, glory daze, glory days.

 Nobody tell this guy that the Theatre Department approved the borrowing of the scenery, but the whole "mission to steal under cover" plot was cooked up to get the ROTC guys to provide their trucks, and labor, for free.  Such fun memories!

(It's like the poor man who had to steal... pistachios to get his protein in college, or the rich girl who ate off-brand ramen noodles, with her horsemeat, to make her payments on those outstanding student loan debts.  #BadBoyz4Life)

Narr said...

I never skipped school, but the stuff my friends and I did during and after our classes on campus was enough to have gotten us in considerable trouble, at least. The night-time raid on the backstage area to borrow some scenery flats for one of the guy's girlfriend's school play
(which I ended up in, but that's another story) was by far the most consequential.

It was well-planned (as befitted our JROTC training). We had the things staged as close to the doors as possible and about 8pm one weeknight we got took Rick's dad's truck and went to the campus. Backed it up next to the double doors on the side of the auditorium, a well-lit area but it couldn't be helped, and neither could the sudden and unexplained short of the truck's horn. No shit. Rick had to disconnect it.

As head of the stage crew Rick had the master key of course, the one that was supposed to never leave the school office outside of hours. Six minutes to load and tie down the flats, and off we went. We had to burgle them back in a week later.

But I never skipped.

4/28/22, 1:40 PM

How Many Figures Below Have Shifted Positions? Thanks libs!

 

NO $33 billion MORE from America to grow WWIII, Joe...

The old people, and Ukrainian-American Vindman calling for this transfer of American taxpayer funds to allegedly "save" Ukraine do NOT have the support of Americans as a whole.

We're not going to bankrupt our country for another military farce.

#CleanUpDC #VoteOutTheWarmongers

I hope Congress stands strong and refuses to send another $33 billion to prolong the killings.  Imagine how America will fare if Russia cons us into spending our seed money here at home to prop up a corrupt government abroad.  VOTE NO!

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ADDED:   Talking heads are saying the $33 billion injection will help Ukraine fight for... another 5 months.  You do the math.  That's... early autumn.  If they can't win it then, how much more will Americans be expected to send?  Why can't anybody in Washington stand up to the military?  This isn't America's greatest priority or needs.  This will cripple our country, here at home, for years to come.

It is not America's job to fund NATO, nor to fight for "freedom"  by taking fund from our own people's needs to make more war.  

I could not understand why they got a search warrant for the aunt's home where the victim spent her last hours...

 Markmywordz

SUBSCRIBER25 MIN AGO

Nobody is really saying this but there is a very strong possibility that the perpetrator is her cousin, her aunt's son. That makes this so much more tragic because the family has to deal both with the loss of a loving girl but also a troubled teen boy who if convicted will spend most of the rest of his life in prison, most likely. We should pray for the family and offer our most heartfelt condolences. The whole 'holding the parent' accountable really doesn't apply in this case. That family is going to have so much to go through. Peace to them all.

Is It Really "Blacks Against Whites"* In Our Classrooms Now? Wow. "Sign o' The Times?"

 

I don't think the white kids are protesting with signs and bullhorns though. Just likely objecting to being objectified, falsely, based on the color of their skins. (This is why conservatives wanted to keep the protest issues out on the streets, not introduce unquestionly the 1619 New History agendas into the classrooms...)

I'm surprised the Times is running cartoons like this though, as the parents -- mothers too -- of a lot of the classroom "protesters" depicted here are likely White. I guess they figure the Dems have the numbers now to fully disavow all White voters? Good luck with that. 

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*Are you a Good White, or a bad white?" Dorothy asked... (And shouldn't the long grey-haired ladyteacher at the front be required to have some  PC rainbow stickers on her/their no-pink blazer? Asking for a friend.)

 

Well I know Jesus, and I talk to God,

and I remember this from when I was young:

Faith, hope and love are some good things

He gave us... and the greatest is Love.

Speaking of Propaganda...

 It will be good when the country starts producing honest new artists and journalists talking about current times, and puts the tired hacks to bed already.

BEST OF LATE NIGHT

Jimmy Kimmel: Truth Social Is Not So Different From Twitter

“They will delete your account if you use the platform as a ‘tool for a crime or any unlawful activity,’ 

like, I don’t know, starting a riot at the Capitol maybe?” Kimmel said.

Does he thinks he's funny, or just accepts the selling out as the cost

 of mouthing the words and being played as a tool? I honestly wonder.

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Cutting off their nose to spite their face, we used to call it...  

Is there a plan B if America hasn't the funds to rebuild infrastructure, 

do you think?

They Flooded Their Own Village, 

and Kept the Russians at Bay